Day by day my usefulness drops.. I am slowly being pushed to the dogs, being thrown out to the rain and discarded unceremoniously like a used teabag.. When will this torture end? When will it stop?. I have accepted the fact that I will never love someone neither will I ever be loved. I have also accepted that my fate in life is to be a loner, I will never have that special friend.. But really?. Take away my pseudo purpose of life? Is that fair?. Isn’t that hitting below the belt?. Kicking a man on the ground.. Am I really that much of a burden to everyone that I’d rather be dumped like a hot potato?. Why take away the only pride I have left of being called a human?.
Why not then have created me to be an animal? Animals have no senses except physical senses, so why not one?
I am not ungrateful for giving me this chance but it is a complete waste. I ask all the deities of this universe, am I really that unworthy? Then why did you create me in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been better to just let me remain in that state of nonexistence?. Or if I am a mistake isn’t it best that then action be taken to immediately correct it by wiping me off the universe? Or do the deities have a sense of pleasure from watching me suffer? Why? Or will taking me away show that you have finally acknowledged my presence?.
If that’s the case then let me unburden you with that by slowly killing myself in all aspects before taking the final step and doing it physically. At least by then two birds will have been killed with one stone: I will have been wiped off the universe and two, your hands will be free of bloodshed. Should I turn to atheism? No because I know that YOU exist. My other option is being agnostic. However, I know you are usually involved in human life. Except mine so agnostic won’t cut it. So I’ll make my own version of being agnostic, self-agnosticism.. That will cover my school of thought..
Am I seeking attention from others? Far from it. I hate being in the limelight, preferring to work from the shadows where no one can see. I hate when people call me good and nice because I know I am not. Introvercy is my nature so the further away I am from people the better I function. But unfortunately I was created a human and not a hermit crab so I do need company once in a while. Why? Why all this conflicting ideologies in me? I hate everything about my life… As I of late say at times death does seem sweeter than life….
I think I love, I think I hate,
This feeling in me up to date,
I try to smother, I try to crush,
This feeling akin to a sugar rush
When you see me, when I see you,
Oh the things I wish to do!
Just me and you
My lovely beau..
Yet in my mind,
It ain’t hard to find,
The part in me that’s carefree
Doesn’t care, and will dare
To easily forget thee..
I’m a human that I agree
All these emotions causing a storm in the sea
Though mainly two are foremost
The rest are just but lurking ghost’
Stoical and altruistic those are one side
Cynical and sarcastic these two won’t hide..
Though for now my mind is at ease
For the moment I have mind of peace
Or peace of mind
For the time being I will find..
☁☁🌞 ☁ ☁
☁ ✈ ☁ 🚁 ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁
🌳/ 🚘 l 🏃 \🌴 👬 👬 🌴/ l 🚔 \🌲
🌲/ 🚖 l \🌳
🌳/🚶 | 🚍 \ 🌴
🌴/ | \🌲
Friday the 13.. This is the second Friday the 13th this year.. Well, I know what you all are thinking, bad luck and the likes eh?. Anyway, you should all be concerned with tomorrow not today..
Why you ask?. Cause tomorrow is the day for a never ending series no matter how long you’ll live. A very special day on the same platform as appearance of Hailey Comet that appears every 76 years ..
Got your attention now huh?. Well any numerologist out there will have it figured out by now.. Saturday at 9:26:53 14th March 2015 a pie will be born for that second only. That pie is named PI.. 3.141592653.. So wait up and Live this centurial event with me.. See you then..
Well then here I am again. Last time I asked what is a dream? We discussed it superficially and now I think I will begin posting my oh so weird crazy dreams to be read at, laughed and basically enjoyed. That way you can analyze and try to find out what type of person I am. Am I comfortable spilling the beans? well n I am not but on the other hand I want to show the world that well crazy and weird people still exist and I am one of them..
Well Last night-today morning I had a series of subconscious manifestations during my REM sleep. However I will only post one.
I was transported back to the time when full-scale invasions were taking place and whole communities were either wiped out or completely subjugated by foreign powers. I happened to be among a small clan living in The Village Hidden in the Sands. Literally we were in a desert and if I am not wrong it was medieval Egypt. I was part of an assassination crew that was sent to wipe out this same village. I did my best to hide my victims from my fellow assassins but when i saw men, women and children being slaughtered left right and centre I happened to snap and i started defending the same village that i was sent to wipe out.
My fellow assassins surrounded me ready to attack and that would have been the end for me.. However the Deity of that land managed to envelope me in a bright white light and transported me to the future where I could get my revenge.
I was dropped off in an oval auditorium and was facing sixteen faces. Without being told I immediately knew that these were descendants of the assassins. Without hesitation I happened to discreetly run invisible strings around them all. For those of you who have watched the anime Akame Ga Kill my reference is to Lubber the green haired Night Raid member.
My first victim was a middle-aged lady whom I immediately snapped her neck to get the attention of the others. Now that I was centre stage, I took the role of Judge and Executioner. My theory was I had no issue with them slaughtering men and women. My problem was kids. To prove my point I strung a wire around the only child in the room and raised it a few inches high to drive home my point. Two of them actually got to their feet ready to strike me but I happened to easily snap their necks with my string.
To cut a long dream short, I snapped all their necks in half after making sure they had all regretted what their ancestors had done. I spared the child though so don’t preach double standards to me.
Now the questions:
- What do you read about my nature?
- Is my sense of justice wrong?
- Should I have spared the child?
- Am I just weird?
Answer those questions and if you want tell me.. If you don’t want even better. Until next time from Temporary Judge and Executioner, Interim Assassin and Avenger these are the Subconscious Manifestations of Resident of Phantasmagoria and Citizen of Dream Land; Upper 1st Tier Diamond Stand
Why is it of late,
I’m always in this state?
I look around
From the sky to the ground,
Left and right; up and down,
From country to town,
Yet it isn’t found..
A silence to smother this sound,
Of loneliness. Emptiness
At myself at the world.
I crave for this hole
To be filled up and make me whole..
My life I detest, for I hate the pretext
Of putting on my best
I don’t want to fake it..
I want to be real.
Yet social norm’
Dictate all, yes into the home
I always pray for it,
Yes I’ll repeat, iterate and reiterate,
Ingeminate and replicate.
But of late
Human company I start to hate,
Though it I still do crave.
Is it me you want to save?
Then help me fill up this hole in my heart
Before I fall apart
And become a hollow
For at my heart it does claw
Wounding me deep and wide
Eating me from the inside.
Therefore I cant hide
From this inner demon
Haunting, plaguing, tormenting..
Come perform an exorcism
But not with what it would seem
A religious point of view
Though I’ll leave it up to you.
You’ll decide what to do
Because I am all empty and hollow……