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Archive for March, 2015

Rants & Raves of a Dissented Being

Day by day my usefulness drops.. I am slowly being pushed to the dogs, being thrown out to the rain and discarded unceremoniously like a used teabag.. When will this torture end? When will it stop?. I have accepted the fact that I will never love someone neither will I ever be loved. I have also accepted that my fate in life is to be a loner, I will never have that special friend.. But really?. Take away my pseudo purpose of life? Is that fair?. Isn’t that hitting below the belt?. Kicking a man on the ground.. Am I really that much of a burden to everyone that I’d rather be dumped like a hot potato?. Why take away the only pride I have left of being called a human?.

Why not then have created me to be an animal? Animals have no senses except physical senses, so why not one?

I am not ungrateful for giving me this chance but it is a complete waste. I ask all the deities of this universe, am I really that unworthy? Then why did you create me in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been better to just let me remain in that state of nonexistence?. Or if I am a mistake isn’t it best that then action be taken to immediately correct it by wiping me off the universe? Or do the deities have a sense of pleasure from watching me suffer? Why? Or will taking me away show that you have finally acknowledged my presence?.

If that’s the case then let me unburden you with that by slowly killing myself in all aspects before taking the final step and doing it physically. At least by then two birds will have been killed with one stone: I will have been wiped off the universe and two, your hands will be free of bloodshed. Should I turn to atheism? No because I know that YOU exist. My other option is being agnostic. However, I know you are usually involved in human life. Except mine so agnostic won’t cut it. So I’ll make my own version of being agnostic, self-agnosticism.. That will cover my school of thought..

Am I seeking attention from others? Far from it. I hate being in the limelight, preferring to work from the shadows where no one can see. I hate when people call me good and nice because I know I am not. Introvercy is my nature so the further away I am from people the better I function. But unfortunately I was created a human and not a hermit crab so I do need company once in a while. Why? Why all this conflicting ideologies in me? I hate everything about my life… As I of late say at times death does seem sweeter than life….

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Torn in Two

I think I love, I think I hate,
This feeling in me up to date,
I try to smother, I try to crush,
This feeling akin to a sugar rush
When you see me, when I see you,
Oh the things I wish to do!
Just me and you
My lovely beau..
Yet in my mind,
It ain’t hard to find,
The part in me that’s carefree
Doesn’t care, and will dare
To easily forget thee..
I’m a human that I agree
All these emotions causing a storm in the sea
Though mainly two are foremost
The rest are just but lurking ghost’
Stoical and altruistic those are one side
Cynical and sarcastic these two won’t hide..
Though for now my mind is at ease
For the moment I have mind of peace
Or peace of mind
For the time being I will find..

An ICONic Day

☁☁🌞 ☁ ☁
☁ ✈ ☁ 🚁 ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁ ☁

🏬🏨🏫🏒🏀πŸ₯🏦πŸͺ🏫
🌲/ l🚍\πŸŒ³πŸ‘­
🌳/ 🚘 l πŸƒ \🌴 πŸ‘¬ πŸ‘¬ 🌴/ l πŸš” \🌲
🌲/ πŸš– l \🌳
🌳/🚢 | 🚍 \ 🌴
🌴/ | \🌲
β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—Όβ—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»β—»

Friday the 13th and Saturday the 14th

Friday the 13.. This is the second Friday the 13th this year.. Well, I know what you all are thinking, bad luck and the likes eh?. Anyway, you should all be concerned with tomorrow not today..

Why you ask?. Cause tomorrow is the day for a never ending series no matter how long you’ll live. A very special day on the same platform as appearance of Hailey Comet that appears every 76 years ..
Got your attention now huh?. Well any numerologist out there will have it figured out by now.. Saturday at 9:26:53 14th March 2015 a pie will be born for that second only. That pie is named PI.. 3.141592653.. So wait up and Live this centurial event with me.. See you then..

More Subconscious Manifestations

Well then here I am again. Last time I asked what is a dream? We discussed it superficially and now I think I will begin posting my oh so weird crazy dreams to be read at, laughed and basically enjoyed. That way you can analyze and try to find out what type of person I am. Am I comfortable spilling the beans? well n I am not but on the other hand I want to show the world that well crazy and weird people still exist and I am one of them..

Well Last night-today morning I had a series of subconscious manifestations during my REM sleep. However I will only post one.

I was transported back to the time when full-scale invasions were taking place and whole communities were either wiped out or completely subjugated by foreign powers. I happened to be among a small clan living in The Village Hidden in the Sands. Literally we were in a desert and if I am not wrong it was medieval Egypt. I was part of an assassination crew that was sent to wipe out this same village. I did my best to hide my victims from my fellow assassins but when i saw men, women and children being slaughtered left right and centre I happened to snap and i started defending the same village that i was sent to wipe out.

My fellow assassins surrounded me ready to attack and that would have been the end for me.. However the Deity of that land managed to envelope me in a bright white light and transported me to the future where I could get my revenge.

I was dropped off in an oval auditorium and was facing sixteen faces. Without being told I immediately knew that these were descendants of the assassins. Without hesitation I happened to discreetly run invisible strings around them all. For those of you who have watched the anime Akame Ga Kill my reference is to Lubber the green haired Night Raid member.

My first victim was a middle-aged lady whom I immediately snapped her neck to get the attention of the others. Now that I was centre stage, I took the role of Judge and Executioner. My theory was I had no issue with them slaughtering men and women. My problem was kids. To prove my point I strung a wire around the only child in the room and raised it a few inches high to drive home my point. Two of them actually got to their feet ready to strike me but I happened to easily snap their necks with my string.

To cut a long dream short, I snapped all their necks in half after making sure they had all regretted what their ancestors had done. I spared the child though so don’t preach double standards to me.

Now the questions:

  1. What do you read about my nature?
  2. Is my sense of justice wrong?
  3. Should I have spared the child?
  4. Am I just weird?

Answer those questions and if you want tell me.. If you don’t want even better. Until next time from Temporary Judge and Executioner, Interim Assassin and Avenger these are the Subconscious Manifestations of Resident of Phantasmagoria and Citizen of Dream Land; Upper 1st Tier Diamond Stand

Emptiness

Why is it of late,
I’m always in this state?
I look around
From the sky to the ground,
Left and right; up and down,
From country to town,
Yet it isn’t found..
A silence to smother this sound,
Of loneliness. Emptiness
Yes bitterness
At myself at the world.
I crave for this hole
To be filled up and make me whole..
My life I detest, for I hate the pretext
Of putting on my best
Façade
I don’t want to fake it..
I want to be real.
Yet social norm’
Dictate all, yes into the home
I always pray for it,
Yes I’ll repeat, iterate and reiterate,
Ingeminate and replicate.
But of late
Human company I start to hate,
Though it I still do crave.
Is it me you want to save?
Then help me fill up this hole in my heart
Before I fall apart
And become a hollow
For at my heart it does claw
Wounding me deep and wide
Eating me from the inside.
Therefore I cant hide
From this inner demon
Haunting, plaguing, tormenting..
Come perform an exorcism
But not with what it would seem
A religious point of view
Though I’ll leave it up to you.
You’ll decide what to do
Because I am all empty and hollow……

Saturday Evening Meet

I still have one more post to upload on my adventures on a Sunday Night πŸŒƒ. For now though let me tell of my experience at a recent gathering on a Saturday Evening.

I am a member of a certain social group on a certain messaging platform. This platform group os supposed to be an anime and manga group. Its name is Anime Anonymous. And no, it isn’t the type where we have a meet and start by introducing ourselves to all the Toms, Dicks and Harriets there by saying, “Hi my name is John Doe and I am addicted to anime.” Or “Attention commoners, I am Bakashi Hatake, I am going to use Raikiri on you after I introduce my name.”

As you can see we ain’t that retarded- or so I thought. Anyway this AA group’s main objective are manga and anime. I myself am a recent visitor to the anime world. My roots are in the written literature world but I have decided to visit my close cousins the drawn literature worlders. Yes, when I was small I loved watching Samurai X, Samurai Pizza Cats, Bleach. However it is only of late that I decided to seriously get a tourist visa to the comic world. I got slightly bored of my home ground so I wanted to see the world.

Anyway back to AA, I dropped out of two meets for the sole reason I couldn’t make it as I am a working being. Yeah and also because I didn’t want to meet up with strangers. I at times suffer from panic attacks. This time though I had also decided not to go but because of a good friend of mine back in high school Josi or Ice, he rekindled a dying flame πŸ”₯ in me and because of that I had to meet up with a certain person at the meet. So I RSVP to the host and confirmed my attendance. I checked out of work and headed home 🏠 to change before heading to the appointed party site.

I was supposed to have met up with a few others we head there but I avoided it. After all it meant bonding and my introverted self just will not allow that. Besides I didn’t want to suffer a mini panic attack, so I headed to the site and called the only person I relatively knew better to get me directions to the area. I stood outside the door for like 5 minutes just balancing my yin and yang before I was calm enough to knock the door. I was ushered in and since those present were less than twenty, my manners forced me to greet them all and wear a polyethylene smile to cover my rising phobia. Good thing there was a dog present and it made it easier because it started humping my legs. Oh the agony of having my right leg raped by a canine!!. Well I managed to keep myself unnoticed for almost a longtime just having slight banter with a small number of people.

All the while I was of course reading people and there characteristics while pretending to read or text on Lumidee.. I didn’t find anyone I could relate to cause no one present attained the minimum threshold of 50% for me to talk to. Only one person attained a 48% though she tried to offer me weed.

To cut a very long story short I left the meet past eleven pm after meeting up with my colleague. The main activities taking place were gaming on either PSP, laptops or the screen. There was also huge data transfers of animes and their derivatives from HDDs to HDDs. After gulping down some chow of which I had very big issues with ( I mean I am a food connoisseur and also a hotelier so I can not be conned easily with mocks; that will be a topic for another day) a movie 🎬 was aired though as usual I was busy on Lumidee. Very little interaction was taking place and by that I mean no real effort was made to get to know each other at all. Proof is that I left that place knowing less than fifteen people by name and only having a conversation that was more than pleasantries πŸ™‹ with only four people.. Not that I am complaining besides I had carried my protoplasmic being called Piper over just to tone down my panic attacks.

I felt cheated and let down by the turn of events. Except successfully completing my mission of meeting up with a potential partner I felt it a waste. In fact I managed to steal away unnoticed except for the partner whom I alerted that I was leaving. I left feeling mentally exhausted, gastrically cheated and physically disappointed 😞.

If the next social gathering I attend shall be akin to this one I think I will take an indefinite rain check to social gatherings. After all I am am introverted being..

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