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Posts tagged ‘love’

A TALE OF HEARTING

Love, ardour, benevolence, philia
Take a moment and give me your ear’
Indifference, apathy, nonchalance,
Let me take this chance;
To subliminally release
With hardly any ease
That which troubles my inner calm
Though you ought to be my soothing balm.
A panacea,
Of emotional sorts
That I can take up in minute shots
My halcyon
In the troubled sea.

At first it was all merry bliss.
As I received your first kiss.
Your straightforwardness
Was a pillar in my emotional mess;
A sturdy anchor
That could hold down an 18-wheeler tanker.
It was rainbows and unicorns
Though even love has its pros and cons.

Now though I have a diff’ story to tell
A sound reminiscent of the death knell.
I drop two coins in the wishing well
Hear the peal of the church bell’;
Was what I want
Though now I have no choice but to punt.

Now it’s all indifference
Apathy, nonchalance.
Better if it were hate aversion,
Antipathy.
Take the decision
Out of empathy.
‘Cause it was once said
“The opposite of love is not hate,
It’s indifference.”
I’ll just reiterate
Better I hate
Than you to Coventry I send.

I hope you get to read this
I don’t want you to be perplex’
Puzzle, baffle, gravel or vex.
It’s as clear as day and night
That very soon you might
Lose what you love for good
I should stop this if I could
But the ball now is in your park
So decide how you’ll throw it back.
Silence, quiet
Just won’t quite;
Help you us in deciding what’s right.
Let’s all talk and bare our feeling’
And know what hand we’ll next be dealing…

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High-Lights and Low-Darks of 2015

Okay so this is another rant and rave of no one else but your favourite deity of the universe of infinite, only that this time round it is a wrap up of the year 2015..

I’m still stuck on this crabby planet as my SPIRIT beam is still sulking; and my daughter,is still trying to open a safe portal for me to use.. Well by June 2016 I will have finally succeeded in going back to my universe for good, so I will not rely on my SPIRIT beam any more.. Other than that let us get down to it..

So this year has had its Everests and Marianas Trenches. By that I mean there have been more downs than ups.. Take the Everest and turn it upside down to cover or fill the Marianas you’ll still need roughly 2000 metres more.. hope I’ve explained it in layman’s terms..

Most of The Thoughts Of A……. series have been me spotlighting issues that have really ticked me off.. Primarily these have been the downs in my life.. Also if you are discerning enough, read between the lines of most of my posts and you’ll see something..

I landed on this crabby planet and slightly loved it, got myself a gigai with which I have been able to interact with the beings on this planet.

In June, the month when I self-procreated myself, I made three new friends, two of whom I still maintain regular contact with. Fellow wine and food enthusiasts like myself. Although I left my previous workplace during that time, a month later I was summoned to the place I am now. Go through my posts to read about it all. Also this gigai happened to meet Jean Wandimi a fellow blogger and also a master class wine enthusiast (I am just a disciple class wine enthusiast) at my work place and I totally loved it. I think this was the only time that this D.U.I. became a fan, pushimg aside my introvert cloak for a few minutes. If you are a wine connoisseur then follow this

http://thewineandfoodreview.com

Speaking of my new workplace, I met a certain Temporary All Rounded person there and to date she is a very special person. For your information, my favourite manga character is Nagi Sanzenin of Hayate no Gotoku. This person is my Nagi Chan, my Ojousama, so I have a very soft spot for Nagi and she knows it too.. I think to date she is the only Venetian who plays a mind game with me that I actually love. I hate mind games exception being chess.

However the Venetian species, I note love playing mind games all the time. Too bad for them I happen to be the D.U.I. and also have a highly functioning brain so usually I manage to know their game plans and prepare myself; after all isn’t fore-footed forewarned, or something like that?. However, with my Ojousama I love her mind games as it has a pleasant aura around it. She doesn’t have KI (Killing Intent) around her though her mind game is more of a duel between us; our weapons fencing swords. We attack, defend, parry, thrust et al, but in the end we both love it.

I stumbled away from my literature universe onto the Anime and Manga-Verse.. Well I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon, I think I will station an embassy in that universe for proper diplomatic relations.. Keep in mind that I had done a few reconnaissance trips when I was much younger but it was just that.. However now I’d like to colonise- ahem maintain proper relations with this newly discovered world.. I just can’t get enough of expanding my universe of Infinite.. I think it was proper I became the Deity of the Universe of Infinite. With Music, Prose, Poetry, Dance, I’m very close to controlling the Nine Muses of Greek. Terpsichore, Clio, Euterpe and Melpomene so far are under my thumb. Very soon the whole of the Arts shall be part of my Universe of Infinite.

Then there are smaller achievements, like getting myself a new pair of state of the art Sharingans, my previous ones were really old having them for over 13 years.. Speaking of 13, There were so many Friday the 13th this year but only the last one had any significance to me. For that short period I was able to temporarily travel back to my Universe and spend quality time with my daughter.

Also, when we had the Super moon I was temporarily able to summon a few of my universe representatives to this planet. I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone about this but after reading this post I’m sure you’ll understand why.

Another up was when the earth time here was the truncated form of PI this date exact

.. that should be proclaimed an inter-universal holiday, a once in a century holiday, along the lines of sighting of Haley’s Comet.. In my U.I. it is a special day, where all creation not only rest but their infinite wishes are infinitely answered for that specific time period only..

This year has also been one where I’ve been too socially active, having exceeded my quota by light years. An AA meet, ComicCon, over five different social lunches with people never met before, I mean any introverted being like myself would have died by now, so for 2016 I want to limit these social outings to the number of fingers on my foot.. Exactly your feet don’t have fingers but toes, you get the message loud and clear, you potential Social ticks and fleas, stay away from me in the name of the D.U.I.

From all my other posts, you know I am a very jealous deity so if any of you are expecting me to wish you a prosperous 2016, you’ll keep on waiting until infinity will stop being undefined; and as along as I am the Deity of the universe of Infinite and my daughter is still well my daughter then too bad that is not happening anytime soon.. Reason being that New Year’s is a festival honouring the two-faced Roman God Janus; after whom the month of January was named. Now if I cant trust a two faced human, what about a two-timing double dealing Roman god? Therefore I will not wish you a happy New Year..

My New Years resolution? None at all, I will just be more active in the day to day operations of my Prose-theticular universe. Meaning more stories will be written for 2016, so yeah that’s good news.

Here is a guide on how we should relate this coming year: https://kaywill112.wordpress.com/2015/03/04/random-words-of-deity-of-infinite

Other than that let us crossover like chiasmata into the New Year and see you in 2016..

From your usual Deity of the Universe of Infinite, Man of the People, Soon to be Controller of the Nine Muses, and Upper Class Tier Citizen, Sayonara 2015 and shinnen omedetō gozaimasu minna san..

Of Money and Relationships

They say money can’t buy you love, nor happiness.. The best it can do is buy you pseudo love and pseudo happiness.. All that is true but also money can make you lose precious gems like nakama..
Well at least in my case..
There was a girl I really liked back and we hit it off on good footing but she left me and though I was given a shoddy reason that couldn’t hold water. The real reason though that I knew, was that she saw I didn’t have the amount of money that she wanted.. Too harsh, eh?.
Okay lemme tone down the story and take a different perspective. Two years back where I was working, one of our usual clients became friends with me. Well I even knew her place and twice she brought me cooked food to enjoy. Other times after closing shop I’d head to her place to deliver her purchases and we’d end up watching a movie and eating before I headed home.. Some of the purchases were either on high discount rates or on credit. She did tale her time to pay them all back though. But what ticked me off was she took something on credit and took over 6 months to pay back. I had to pay the business back with my own cash and follow up on her. Sadly, because of that, I lost her as a friend. Yeah I know don’t mix business and friendship. Also I wasn’t stupid, I knew she wanted us to be friends so that she could benefit but I naïvely thought that she had a good side, well that wasn’t the case. Though I don’t want to judge her and neither should you.
That isn’t an isolated case though, I’ve had quite a few other encounters along the same line. And all didn’t end happily ever after.
Well now you think that I am naïve and maybe it is true, however I prefer nakama over money.. It is the little things in life that are enjoyable and that is what I treasure so if money will cause friction between me and nakama then I’d rather not have money.. I hear some of you say that in case don’t help out with money in the first place- well there are two big hurdles with that.
First, I am naïve and because of that I love helping people out. When someone comes to me for help, I actually I’m very happy. They say that humans need to be loved, but for me in my case, the feeling of being needed supersedes love. I’m not saying that I help to be recognised, on the contrary I prefer doing things incognito. That is so because I am very bad when it comes to handling and receiving praise and gratitude. I’m an introvert hence I’m an objective type of person. Truthfully, most of the time when I help out it isn’t because I care much, only because I can.. Sounds contradictory, right?.
Secondly, I am a very lousy liar especially when asked a direct question. Even if I lie it will be pretty obvious to all and sundry so I can’t lie that I can’t help you.
The lending part isn’t an issue for me, it is the debt recovery part that is. If it is my fellow Martian I can easily, ask for it and in case things get ugly then a few punches will suffice. After that we resume our daily routines. However, if it is one of the Venetian species then that brings myriad of challenges.
When I lend cash to the Venetians I usually write it off as a bad debt for though they always promise to pay it back, they never do. I don’t know whether when they say that they will repay and they don’t, do they think about the effects? For me my trust in then corrodes and I can never lend them money again. Funny enough they never do get back to asking me for help again. Well there are three exceptions to that story.
First, my mother is one of those who love saying they’ll pay me back. However, she never does and yet she still has the audacity to ask me for more and claim she’ll pay it back. Sigh, I hate that cycle but because she is my mother, I never bother thinking about it.
Next is the only Venetian that I know keeps her word. When she asks for cash from me I will actually move heaven and earth to help her. She is trustworthy when it comes to money matters. Incidentally she is a very close friend I made eight years back.
The last exception is another friend I made two to three years back. Well she trusts me a lot though I wonder why. Well my first approach was I had a crush on her, but she had already been taken by someone else so I gave up. However, out of her insight and intuition she kept me close as a friend. She views me as her elder brother always there to help her out. Though I usually act aloof and cold to her she still cherishes me. Anyway she is the only one who is truthful when asking for money, she usually tells me that “I might not be able to pay back any time soon”.. I like her brutal honesty and because of that I will help her out.
Maybe I should just get back to my previous state where I at least could say the truth that I have no money/can’t help out.
Until next time, signing out.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

No this story isn’t about a pretty little girl outsmarting a fox…. Uhm.. Wrong story.. Let me bring that up again.. This story isn’t about a pretty girl dropping her glass slipper and marrying a prince.. I have it wrong again.. One last time.. No! This story isn’t about a pretty little girl having golden flowing locks heading to the woods and having to make a choice from three in other words meaning sampling.

Rather, it is about a young man’s quest in life to find a suitable partner. This might have an allusion to Princess and the frog, Princess and the pea et al.

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there lived a young boy named Sinclair. Sinclair was a quiet, nerdy, introverted boy, who mainly kept to himself and books. His primary school life was one of education and a few friendships here and there. Other than a few secret crushes, he had no love life.

Enter secondary and Sinclair could no longer smother the urges to get himself a mate. His first real girlfriend was a young lady that he met up with at a library during the midyear holidays; just before his final exams.

Within a week, he had managed to get the lady’s admiration and loyalty. However, his first relationship was a long distant one. He himself being staunch nonbeliever in long-distant, it wasn’t bound to work. The loosely knit relationship was formally terminated two years later on.

Other crushes came and went before finally settling on the first Princess called Dorothy. The two met at The world of I and O (1s and 0s), During a Social Interaction platform. What started off as a post, led to a castle invitation. What Sinclair liked about Princess Dorothy was she had attained a whooping 92% of his dream girl expectations.

Princess Dorothy in physique was small in body size and short. She had a cute smile, natural hair, wore spectacles as Sinclair, had a high sense of humour, smart both streetwise and bookwise. The two both had slightly complicated family backgrounds and tyrannical mothers. Their compatibility from Sinclair’s viewpoint was an average 85%.

Unfortunately, like most relationships happening in cyberspace it didn’t last long. After two face to face meetings, Princess Dorothy broke off the relationship due to a reason of vague nature..

Sinclair didn’t believe it as the real reason. However, the heartbreak and pain he suffered was too much. The following four months were the most excruciating period of his life. Day in, day out, he still thought of her.

When he realised she was gone for good, he reacted by encamping himself in a citadel having hypo-Jerusalem Gates height walls; hypo-Great Wall of China strength. Up went brick, then stone, titanium, diamond, platinum and finally borazon walls to encircle his heart and protect it from any other pain.

Two years later, Sinclair tentatively cut a window sized hole through the walls and allowed a commoner sobriqueted Sandra to “own” his heart. However, using his newly unlocked, self-defensive extrapolative powers, he could see the relationship couldn’t work out.. Sure enough it didn’t.

A year later Princess Mary entered the picture. Other than the height issue, Princess Mary was the second best candidate after Dorothy. Funny enough, Mary surpassed Dorothy especially in one area; Sinclair and Mary belonged to the same Religious Order.

Sinclair loved this Princess to the extent that he claimed Princess Mary was the only one he would think of marrying. The only issue was Princess Mary was a tad too young to be given off to marriage to anyone at that particular moment.

Using his extrapolative skills, he deducted the line of best fit and calculated that Princess Mary would never be his. Knowing that he deliberately hatched a plot to fall in love with another and wait for it to be broken.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on which end of cupid’s arrow you are on, just because Sinclair had exceptional extrapolative skills didn’t mean he had exceptional planning skills. So he never did manage to have his heart invaded and violated, as much as he rolled out the red carpet for any nearby camping armies.

Old Father Time heals, so they say; Sinclair soon got over Princess Mary with time.

Exit two Princess, left with one; Princess Cindy. The “affair” or to be affair with Cindy was doomed to fail from the very start. Reason was, Sinclair had compromised too much. Cindy attained a measly 30% compared to Dorothy’s 92%.

Cindy was sub-standard yet Sinclair decided to go for her just because he was lonely and desperate. Yes to be fair, he even did things out of the way to please Cindy, but he even knew it wouldn’t work. Princess Cindy on the other hand didn’t want to push Sinclair away too far but also didn’t want to let him get close.

Sinclair knew this and though a number of times he made situations where the best and only way out was for Princess Cindy to dump him she never played that card. Well Sinclair might be a ‘baka’ when it comes to romance but he ain’t in real life. Slowly he pulled away, raising the anchor and drifted away from Princess Cindy.

So now after being Goldilocks and not finding just the right porridge, chair and finally bed to sleep in, he has decided instead of going to another house or cave and start sampling again, he is single and this time for good. After all, from his extrapolates he knows very well there won’t be another Princess Dorothy and his extrapolation has never failed him. Once again, his heart has been locked up in that citadel and now has electric fencing, CCTV surveillance cameras and two rare Transylvanian creatures guarding it. If you are a damsel enough, have fun saving the Knight in shining armour. And no it isn’t the other way around.

Torn in Two

I think I love, I think I hate,
This feeling in me up to date,
I try to smother, I try to crush,
This feeling akin to a sugar rush
When you see me, when I see you,
Oh the things I wish to do!
Just me and you
My lovely beau..
Yet in my mind,
It ain’t hard to find,
The part in me that’s carefree
Doesn’t care, and will dare
To easily forget thee..
I’m a human that I agree
All these emotions causing a storm in the sea
Though mainly two are foremost
The rest are just but lurking ghost’
Stoical and altruistic those are one side
Cynical and sarcastic these two won’t hide..
Though for now my mind is at ease
For the moment I have mind of peace
Or peace of mind
For the time being I will find..

Emptiness

Why is it of late,
I’m always in this state?
I look around
From the sky to the ground,
Left and right; up and down,
From country to town,
Yet it isn’t found..
A silence to smother this sound,
Of loneliness. Emptiness
Yes bitterness
At myself at the world.
I crave for this hole
To be filled up and make me whole..
My life I detest, for I hate the pretext
Of putting on my best
Façade
I don’t want to fake it..
I want to be real.
Yet social norm’
Dictate all, yes into the home
I always pray for it,
Yes I’ll repeat, iterate and reiterate,
Ingeminate and replicate.
But of late
Human company I start to hate,
Though it I still do crave.
Is it me you want to save?
Then help me fill up this hole in my heart
Before I fall apart
And become a hollow
For at my heart it does claw
Wounding me deep and wide
Eating me from the inside.
Therefore I cant hide
From this inner demon
Haunting, plaguing, tormenting..
Come perform an exorcism
But not with what it would seem
A religious point of view
Though I’ll leave it up to you.
You’ll decide what to do
Because I am all empty and hollow……

Random Words of Deity of Infinite

What is in a name? what is an identity? yeah some of you will tell me that a name is your identity but that is the same as saying that all drugs are medicine. Relax, me the Deity of my Universe of Infinite I am not going to deal in the mechanics of what identity is.. Rather I am going to touch on the superficial areas of it..

I am an anime fan and my best anime to date is Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto wrote or rather drew or whatever tickles your fancy, a plot that relates to me 100%. From wanting to be acknowledged, to loving people who don’t want you, to wanting to change the world. My favourite character is Uchiha Itachi. His genjutsu or illusionary technique using his Sharingan(An Uchiha kekke genkai or bloodline) is one called Limited Tsukuyomi. There is a more powerful version of it that is possible by reviving the Ten tails beast and its called Infinite Tsukuyomi.. Basically here everyone is trapped in the alternate fantasy universe where there is no war according to antagonist Uchiha Madara. He has the right concept but the wrong means. Even Uchiha Sasuke wanted to have the Tsukuyomi where he instead controls everything. Is it just me or are the Uchihas just power craving selfish prats just like The emperor in Akame ga Kill.. The exception of course is Itachi Uchiha, go watch the anime or read the manga and you will understand. Anyway my allusion to the Tsukuyomi is this, I too have a Tsukuyomi jutsu only that mine is personal. Instead of trying to control all mankind to peace, I create my own Tsukuyomi and there I create new things people and law; hence my title Deity of Universe of Infinite. So my first identity is Deity.

Next up is my human aspect of it. I guess I am the most unfortunate being born during this times. One I was given a highly functioning brain. That is where all my problems begin. I already acknowledge my existence and with it I also know my position in the chain of life; or as it is called the pecking order of things. Now to counter the effects I am forced to have different personalities just to protect myself. I am an introvert by birth and nature. I love my alone time but because of my awareness I know that I need some human interactions to keep me sane. So I switch personalities to a mode that will enable me socialize with you humans. However that is a very emotionally draining activity. So once again I switch to nerd mode  where I can still interact with humans and still remain sane in a controlled environment.

At times though I don’t want to be seen or recognised because I know my place in life. Just like Uchiha Obito who when asked by Naruto whom he was, he replied that he was nobody. Most of the time I feel that way too. Don’t get me wrong I do want to have friends, in fact I want to have a friend who’ll stick with me always and whom I too can be needed by. I might never be loved or even love but the feeling of being needed is the second best option to experiencing love. I have tried my hand at the love thing and yes it is appealing but however, kissing too many frogs to get your prince or princess charming is tiresome. Besides that requires intense human interactions and I am just not ready to start a full scale socialising programme. The friends or rather nodding acquaintances I have are really not interested in me that much. Yes I can hear you quite clearly, am I putting the effort myself. I am and have but now, I accept my position that I wasn’t meant to have such friends.

I have this accept things as they come mentality; If I am to die tomorrow then so be it. If I am to be injured tomorrow then so be it. It is said prepare for the worst but expect the best right? Well I prepare for the worst and expect it.. Am I a cynic? Am i a pessimist? You decide but it doesn’t change anything. All in all since I am embracing my negativity it makes me stronger. I sound just like an antagonist right? Well I might be.. Anyway by now you have seen my other identity, right?

If I see a bleeding cat and a bleeding child, which will I tend to first? You say the child, right? Using the two which will I feel more pity to? The child right? WRONG…. Yes out of my obligation as a human I will tend to the child first but my heart is more inclined to the animal. Humans especially of this age and era are just selfish beings both on physical and all other levels. With humans it is all about me me, I I.. At least with animals I expect that kind of thinking and so I am more inclined to them. In fact animals are less selfish and are excused for any wrongs they do because they are instictual creations. Humans have brains that they use yet it is always about self.. My other identity has surfaced as you can notice now.

I want to continue on so many aspects of my identity but I will stop here for now. This post should be a guide on how to interact with me should we ever bump into each other. If we don’t, the better..

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