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Archive for August, 2015

Of Titular Titles & Annoying Nomenclature

I am a distressed deity. Reason being you humans think that my name is too special to be used (well you people say it is too hard to be pronounced) and so you decide to use titles instead.. Now I think I can get a fraction of how the Israelites’ Divine Being felt when His people didn’t use his name.. My reason though is different and definitely not religious considering I’m not in my Universe of Infinite..
BOSS: this tops my list, having a clean A.. Boss is a term used to call an employed salary person whose name you don’t know or either don’t want to know.. It is especially used to call (Home Specialised Security Agents) security guards, (Food and Beverage Conveyers and Dining Agents) waiters, (Home Specialized Botanical Caretaker) gardener.. You get the flow, basically the low end service providers.. I’m sure if you call a learned friend boss, you’ll be hauled to the nearest law court and be sued for libel, infamy, damage to personal character and degradation.. As for me, I’ll just save you a special seat in Dante’s Seven Tiered Hell..
MZEE.. Old?. Who you calling old man?. Don’t try to make me die before my time. Hmph, old indeed.. For now I don’t have grey hair on my gigai nor do I walk using a frame, nor walking stick or any other mobility unit.
KIJANA just the same as young man..
YOUNG MAN I have no qualms with being called young but when anyone is called young man it means someone is angry at you and insulting you in a polite manner.. You are being pit on the same level as a 9 year old..
SIR.. I think this is the only title that has a positive feel to it and for that reason I just can’t agree to be called sir. Yes it is respectful but yet again though I am Deity of the Universe of Infinite I am also a Man of the People; down to earth.. So calling me sir is just respecting me too much..
MISTER I just hate titles. That’s it. No other reason well… Other that the fact it makes me sound old and mature.. So never call me Mr. So and so..
MKUBWA.. Transliterated it means big. Now if you ever look at me and then call me mkubwa, just what are you implying and insinuating?. Are you trying to be sarcastic or what? If so then I just ask you to stop it ’cause I am the very essence of sarcasm and Sir Kassim is my best friend.. Call me mkubwa and I will drag you to court for size discrimination..
PROFESSOR well depending on who uses that title on me I’ll either be honoured or insulted.. Usually the Tom, Dick and Harriette who call me that do so putting my visual aids in mind and that is plain insult. The few who do so honourably know how vast my intellect is but they are just a handful so I detest that title too..
BWANA means husband and I am hitched to no evil Venetian species at the moment and also not planning to..
MZITO means heavyweight and that’s insulting me cause I’m lightweight being a deity.. Get it light weight..
BUDA now that means father. Well I do have my daughter back at the Universe of Infinite but I usually don’t preach that as a gospel. Also since it means man I hate it. Though it also sounds like Buddha and me being Deity of the Universe of Infinite I definitely don’t want to be monikered or sobriqueted another name..
So to round it all up, u have a name please use it.. After all a name is the only item that though it belongs to you, other people use it more than you do..

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The Diva

Universe of infinite

Ages past, years come and go,

She was born ‘pon the hill

from a baby to a strong young woman she did grow

and to her fill she did with

her iron will. always on the move never still.

never tiring. never backracking

though once she did but continued with youthful vigour.

whatever in her path she was attacking

or displacing as she grew bigger.

but like everything else ; the bigger the weaker

For now she started slowing.

Age old advancing.

silently she’s cursing for all nw are laughing.

hey her hey day is gone, when she was at her zenith

Fighting with her nails and teeth.

woe begone, those were the days.

Now only was her ‘wedding’ train

that sometime spilled over when it begun to rain. this is the story of a river

reminiscing when she was THE DIVA

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Of Annoying Travel Habits

Okay so this is another rant and rave of no one else but your favourite deity of the universe of infinite..

I’m still stuck on this crabby planet as my SPIRIT beam is still sulking; and my daughter,is still trying to open a safe portal for me to use..

Hence while around I have to put up with human peculiarities and eccentricities.. Now due to the limitations of my gigai I don’t have access to my second favourite mode of personal transport. My first is teleportation; what did you expect? Deities love teleporting considering it is one of the few black areas in human scientific progression.. My second is slipstream.. I actually made this up for those days when I am too lazy to teleport..

What is slipstream?. Well slipstreaming is on earth the concept where you travel directly behind something ahead of you to reduce air friction, right?. Well Slipstream is the same except this time I manipulate gravity. Gravity in this case instead of pulling and holding me down it goes ahead of me and instead pulls me forward.. All it requires is telepathic connection.. Its like a burst of speed or a nitrous boost.. I think you can loosely compare it to Body Flicker Technique or Shunpo (flash step) though Slipstream is using gravity to thy advantage..

So anyway back to my issue as I can’t use Slipstream I have to be content with PTS- public transport systems.. Now where I am currently there are this 14-seater and 33-seater minivans that ferry people from point A to Z- or something like that..

Well I boarded one and sat at the window seat per se.. Now my gigai is relatively small so I don’t take much space, however, some people take that as an excuse to encroach on me personal space (see previous post).. So this humungous Cyclops decides to set his corpse next to me. He eats up his share of the seat and takes up half of mine. Then he opens his legs wide. I can’t take it so I put up resistance and open the window wide open. Usually I open the window to tick off people.. I noticed that you humans love shutting the windows when the vehicle is moving. Well I leave the window open and usually when someone asks me to shut the window, I smile at them and innocently say the window is stuck. The result is usually they move to another seat. Then there are those hot headed imbeciles who mannerlessly shut the window without asking me. Well I mannerlessly open it again and glare at the perpetrator. Again I achieve the same result. Next time you sit next to me and notice I open the window just know you aren’t welcome.

Mr. Cyclops noticed my resistance and he tried to behave. Fortunately he alighted later on. Unfortunately I had another issue in the same vehicle. Have you ever noticed how, smelly socks and chips travel faster than sound in an enclosed area?. Well someone and I assume a Venetian was eating chips and the smell engulfed the vehicle; that was another reason I opened the window. Now I have no problem with eating food but please be conscious of others. Maybe some are allergic to your food, or maybe you are rubbing salt to someone’s wounds by eating in a vehicle and yet the person is fasting either willingly or unwillingly.

If you must really eat in a public vehicle, there are snacks for that matter. By snacks I mean sweets, chewing gum, chocolates, crisps, biscuits and cookies et al. No I will not mention cakes.

Now that brings me to another weird habit. Why would a grown person after chewing gum, place it under the seat of the vehicle?. Or inside the seat cover? Then also those of you (me excluded) who happen to find those gums in those hard to reach areas, just what were you doing there in the first place?. Along that line, there was a time it was mandatory for PTS to have wastebaskets in them. I wonder why?. I have issues with someone who after unwrapping their goods decides to dump the wrapper in the vehicle. Mys bag has a compartment for my trash. I hate littering I’d rather carry it in my bag then drop it off at the nearest trash site.

Another pet peeve, you newspaper readers, text readers and basically jobless passengers. Now I am not the type to read newspapers in a PTS because one I never buy them, I read them at work. However, I once sat next to a pretty Venetian who was reading a paper, and no I wasn’t reading along with her. I fund it rude to read someone else’s paper.. However, the Venetian had the paper spread open covering my left leg and to make matters worse I saw her sneaking glances at me to see whether I was reading it too.. Why do that?. I mean just open the paper and then fold it and read in peace. That’s why I love reading novels in PTS.

Next, are basically your secret phone reviewers. I mean what else can I call someone who reads your texts or watches whatever you’re doing on your OWN phone?. Even as I am typing this I happen to have quite an audience of a Venetian.. I understand that travelling in a vehicle is really boring at times, but if you have nothing to do please don’t do it next to me. I love my privacy and seeing you constantly checking my phone surreptitiously is tantamount to stalking and privacy invasion. Next time carry a book or something to keep your idle mind occupied. Or like I do, carry your earphones and plug them in to your handset and listen to either your playlist or the radio.

Speaking of that, there are some certain people who think that we all want to listen to their music, so they’ll honour us by playing their music on speaker.. I mean come on if I wanted loud music I’d definitely not board a quiet peaceful bus.

Along that line, I know that some of us are pretty important people, importing cars, or having contacts with important and powerful people in society. I mean, hey I am Deity of the Universe of Infinite too so I understand your undying and life-threatening need to broadcast to every Tom Dick and Harriette about your life. But please try to control those impulsive urges. Some of us are really not interested in listening to your ‘Interesting’ life in buses. If you really must, then start a reality show like the Kardashians..
Some time back I happened to sit at the back right of a 14-seater PTS vehicle. A lady dressed in an office suit next to me and a young man sat at the back left. When the lady alighted I happened to be looking out and I saw the young man pull it his phone and discreetly lower it to the ladies hemline, camera side up. Yes he was taking a panty-shot of the lady. I just looked straight ahead asking myself whether I was taking part in an Ecchi manga. The guy was older than me and yet doing such high school antics. The lady never noticed, fortunately for him. However you Venetians need to be on the lookout for ecchi people out there..
Preachers. Yes you so called preachers. I have nothing wrong with you propagating your religious views but please not in the PTS and definitely not in the morning. Some of us are still sleepy. And funny enough why is it only Christian preachers on board?. I’m yet to see a Muslim preacher in a bus or even better a Hindu, Sikh, Shinto, Tao or Traditional African preachers doing their share too.. If that’s it I think I, being a deity should also start a preaching campaign in PTS though I really don’t know what my followers will be worshipping. ‘Cause I am just a humble deity, not seeking recognition anywhere.

Back to the preachers, do they all assume that all passengers on board are of one religion, denomination or even believe in the existence of a heavenly beings?. To prevent poisoning of my mind, I started walking with earphones all over. In fact once or twice I irked some preachers by looking directly in their eyes and putting on my earphones. One of them even commented saying, “some of you are now putting on their earphones but God’s….” I managed to press play. I don’t mean to be rude but I am a jealous deity. I definitely am not going to listen to the sermons from another god. There is a reason why I am “Deity of the Universe of Infinite”.

The worst habit of all are the conversationistas.. And there are two types.

Type Alpha: These type are loudmouthed individuals who talk to everyone from their seat. Meaning they shout and have loud banter with everyone. These type are very dangerous because they get everyone talking about whatever topic they bring up. Be it ball, politics, or the latest social issue they know it all. Typically they are extroverts. Good thing is I usually drown them out of my hearing with my ever handy earphones.

Type Beta: These type are the most dangerous to me. Yes they are your seat mates in the PTS who strike a conversation with you. My mama taught me never to talk to strangers. My introversion teaches me mot to talk to anyone unless really needed.. So when you nonchalantly start talking to me I get bored.. Hello! The earphones are usually conversation stoppers. But on the rare occasion that you manage to chat me up before this deity plugs in then know that I’m just too kind to turn you off..
Well until next time ciao..

Of Money and Relationships

They say money can’t buy you love, nor happiness.. The best it can do is buy you pseudo love and pseudo happiness.. All that is true but also money can make you lose precious gems like nakama..
Well at least in my case..
There was a girl I really liked back and we hit it off on good footing but she left me and though I was given a shoddy reason that couldn’t hold water. The real reason though that I knew, was that she saw I didn’t have the amount of money that she wanted.. Too harsh, eh?.
Okay lemme tone down the story and take a different perspective. Two years back where I was working, one of our usual clients became friends with me. Well I even knew her place and twice she brought me cooked food to enjoy. Other times after closing shop I’d head to her place to deliver her purchases and we’d end up watching a movie and eating before I headed home.. Some of the purchases were either on high discount rates or on credit. She did tale her time to pay them all back though. But what ticked me off was she took something on credit and took over 6 months to pay back. I had to pay the business back with my own cash and follow up on her. Sadly, because of that, I lost her as a friend. Yeah I know don’t mix business and friendship. Also I wasn’t stupid, I knew she wanted us to be friends so that she could benefit but I naïvely thought that she had a good side, well that wasn’t the case. Though I don’t want to judge her and neither should you.
That isn’t an isolated case though, I’ve had quite a few other encounters along the same line. And all didn’t end happily ever after.
Well now you think that I am naïve and maybe it is true, however I prefer nakama over money.. It is the little things in life that are enjoyable and that is what I treasure so if money will cause friction between me and nakama then I’d rather not have money.. I hear some of you say that in case don’t help out with money in the first place- well there are two big hurdles with that.
First, I am naïve and because of that I love helping people out. When someone comes to me for help, I actually I’m very happy. They say that humans need to be loved, but for me in my case, the feeling of being needed supersedes love. I’m not saying that I help to be recognised, on the contrary I prefer doing things incognito. That is so because I am very bad when it comes to handling and receiving praise and gratitude. I’m an introvert hence I’m an objective type of person. Truthfully, most of the time when I help out it isn’t because I care much, only because I can.. Sounds contradictory, right?.
Secondly, I am a very lousy liar especially when asked a direct question. Even if I lie it will be pretty obvious to all and sundry so I can’t lie that I can’t help you.
The lending part isn’t an issue for me, it is the debt recovery part that is. If it is my fellow Martian I can easily, ask for it and in case things get ugly then a few punches will suffice. After that we resume our daily routines. However, if it is one of the Venetian species then that brings myriad of challenges.
When I lend cash to the Venetians I usually write it off as a bad debt for though they always promise to pay it back, they never do. I don’t know whether when they say that they will repay and they don’t, do they think about the effects? For me my trust in then corrodes and I can never lend them money again. Funny enough they never do get back to asking me for help again. Well there are three exceptions to that story.
First, my mother is one of those who love saying they’ll pay me back. However, she never does and yet she still has the audacity to ask me for more and claim she’ll pay it back. Sigh, I hate that cycle but because she is my mother, I never bother thinking about it.
Next is the only Venetian that I know keeps her word. When she asks for cash from me I will actually move heaven and earth to help her. She is trustworthy when it comes to money matters. Incidentally she is a very close friend I made eight years back.
The last exception is another friend I made two to three years back. Well she trusts me a lot though I wonder why. Well my first approach was I had a crush on her, but she had already been taken by someone else so I gave up. However, out of her insight and intuition she kept me close as a friend. She views me as her elder brother always there to help her out. Though I usually act aloof and cold to her she still cherishes me. Anyway she is the only one who is truthful when asking for money, she usually tells me that “I might not be able to pay back any time soon”.. I like her brutal honesty and because of that I will help her out.
Maybe I should just get back to my previous state where I at least could say the truth that I have no money/can’t help out.
Until next time, signing out.

Of Personal Space as an Introverted Deity

“If currency was abolished…..” Man, Money and Mannerism by Dr. Nnekwa

This being is a troubled being. Other than my SPIRIT Beam not working, other than still being stuck on this planet, other than having to,find a job to,maintain my gigai, I have to put up with violation and invasion of my personal space.

Everyone has a certain space that they consider Holy of Holies. Its radius might be as long as the Great Wall of China for we introverts or as narrow as the space between the nucleus and the innermost energy level of an atom for our polar opposites and extreme sided nexus mates; extroverts. Either way we all have that personal sphere surrounding us where we wouldn’t want any Tom Dick or Harriette to cross into.

For most if not all, that personal space is usually physical in nature. However, for me as the Deity of the Universe of Infinite, my personal space isn’t limited to the physical aspect only. Yes I detest skinship of many types more so PDA (see previous post). Don’t get me wrong, this Deity doesn’t want to be clubbed in with the OCD and neat freak perfectionists. On the contrary I have HTL for most things -High Tolerance Levels. As a Deity I know that it is next to impossible for my gigai not to physically interact with you beings. Therefore I have an almost non-existent physical personal space.

However, please don’t jump the gun and assume I am an extrovert. I have stratified zones that not even my HTL can accommodate for any intrusion. Following the Universal Law of Balance aka as Give and Take, where I am lacking in personal space I make up with it hundredfold in other areas. My next to nil PPS is replaced by my APS- Abstract Personal Space. In this case APS includes but not limited to Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual and Moral spaces. Abstract because these spaces can’t be touched nor felt physically..

My gigai is adept in extrapolation using scatter points available in any scenario. Today my rant and rave as Deity of the Universe of Infinite is going to touch on the Moral and Ethical Personal Space – MEPS.

Yes I get it, you are all proud of your lineage to a certain tribe. Wow! Yay! Hooray! If that’s the case then let me also tell you how special my gigai is I mean it is the only one that descended from Adam and Eve. Pshaw! Go eat a blade and hang. Don’t forcefeed me your baseless tribal pride. In one of my posts I mentioned having joined a new workplace. Well I found myself in an uncharted waters and though you humans say, when you go to Romania do as the Romanians do (or something like that); I disagree.

To begin with, following the unhealthy and negative effects that being tribal in certain places brings, I am never interested to know your tribe. Let is get that straight as a light ray!. I will reiterate, I bloody don’t care what tribe you are. I might or might not have a few preferential tribes and funny enough the tribe of my gigai is one that I personally don’t care about so I am not loyal to it. You’ll catch me dead looking for my gigai’s countrymen. Tribe however is never a factor for me when choosing my acquaintances, associates, friends nor enemies. It is your personality that will determine into which category you’ll be placed. Therefore I entreat you to please respect my MEPS; the same way I don’t ask your tribe please don’t try to ask mine.

Here at my current workplace, within the first week, every Tom Dick and Harriette tried to know my tribe either directly or indirectly. The direct ones ask what trobe I am and I tell them I’m a city slicker. Proudly born and raised in the city. Others tried to ask my parents birthplace and I tell them they both are city kids. For the indirect,ones they would ask what my full name is. When I introduce myself I usually give my first name only. So they think they are smart enough to ask my surname. Unfortunately for them my surname wont give you even a hint of my tribe. I thank my mum for my first name- most people think I am English because of it. I thank the government for misspelling my middle name because now it sound Russian. Finally I thank my dad for his surname because it isn’t even African in nature.

With that said, I hear some of you saying Tha I am not proud of my tribe. I say go hang!. Yes my tribal cocoon isn’t my forte. To begin with I don’t know my,mother tongue and I am proud of that. Yes in this modern world there are lingua franca that help in development; English, French, Italian, Mandarin, Swahili, German and let us not forget my favourite Japanese et al. The world is a global village and using mother tongue to communicate will only work back at your villages. Following the Law of Balance, when my mother tongue was discarded, my English had a chance to rapidly improve and interest in other languages was born. Right now I’m into Nippo.

Let us be real, you just want to know my tribe for your evil intentions. I hope 2007 hasn’t been forgotten. Of my Deity powers could work here id male everyone learn and speak in Latin. The 18th-20th Century education systems had it right by including Latin in their curriculum. Latin would be the de facto language. Your persistent tribal questions encroach on my MEPS.. If you want to be tribal please keep me out of it. I believe nakama are more important than tribe after all don’t you humans say that there exists a friend sticking closer than a sister- or something like that?

The next time a primitive primordial Neanderthal asks me for my tribe, I’ll grunt back at him/her; punch the inquirer in the face or bat my eyelashes like a damsel at the person while sweetly saying, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”. It will depend on my mood at the moment. Unfortunately some people in my close circle are tribal to am extent but I usually turn a deaf eye and blind ear to their remarks. My mission isn’t to change your tribal perspectives bit in the same way don’t encroach on MEPS virgin land..
Signing off until next rant and rave this is a Disconcerted Free Deity of the Universe of Infinite and Tribeless Man of the People..

Of New Work Environment

Well as you might be well aware, my SPIRIT Beam is still dysfunctional at the moment so I’m still stuck in this gigai for now. Hence, I am pushed to the point where I have to get a job, I order to sustain my gigai conditions- talk about a cow holding a tick hostage.. Anyway, since that is the case, this Deity of the Universe of Infinite has got himself one..

Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against working or such but I am a deity, need I say more?. Well the environment is totally different from what I expected.. The people are new to me and such busybodies trying to get me talk to them. I hate that part.

I got this job quite a while back and have been watching things closely from my end. I can’t complain much but I wish the folks would stop trying to give Pinocchio competition with their long noses.

I came to work. Not to dilly dally, shilly shally nor have repartee with anyone. And I definitely didn’t come to make friends nor look for a prospective consort. I stress on the last statement because of some events that happened to me earlier on.

On the first day of work a male workmate when introducing himself to me in front of a female workmate told me to keep off the ladies. The lady retaliated and said, “Chinko stop spoiling my CV, I am single and searching.” Now was there any need to explain that. Wouldn’t a simple retort like,”I’m not yours” or “I’m single,” do quite well?. My relation with the Venetian Species shows that the species will never say they are single and especially that they are searching even if the case is true on either/both counts. I was left with questions afterwards as to why she would say that.

Also another male colleague had a chat with me and asked if I was married.. Of late I keep getting this question?. Does my gigai issue a pheromone to show it is ready for marriage?. Or is it an age where it should be married?. I’m sorry but I definitely ain’t marrying at this age nor on this planet. Besides the workmate even reached the point of telling me the few available ladies at work that are suitable candidates. Another workmate was shocked to learn I am not married. What’s the big deal?. Marry when ready..

Or are people jealous of my freedom? I mean living alone and having no family responsibilities is fun and no one forced you to marry early. All I know is that this deity isn’t marrying anyone anytime soon. So if you want to eat a blade because of jealousy go ahead, I definitely will not stop you

As for friends, nope not interested, for there is really no real friendship material at work. Or at least I haven’t identified any friends of present. The people around either are too immature in their mindset or just have polar opposite mindset from this deity. The best I have are nodding acquaintances..

Until next time, work safe
From a Working Class Deity, Man of the People and Deity of the Universe of Infinite..

DEATH

lindaomonyaeditions

Its when a living organism stops functioning biologically in all aspects;breathing stops,body movement stops,seeing stops, in short everything concerning the living organism comes to a halt. You can now start imagining when every aspect of you stops,it means that even your dreams stop.
When a family member or a friend dies,the pain is incomprehensible,we ask why it had to be us to experience there forever depart from us but the truth is they too wouldn’t want to,its something no one wants to feel,but life is a journey some reach there destinations earlier than others,some journeys are so early that you cant even understand why. Think of a child born, dies the same day or a few days later,this child must have been excited to see the mum,it was even trying to know the other people around it,am sure it also had its dreams but they were cut short,think of parents…

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