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Posts tagged ‘life’

Self Worth-Alpha

Waking, standing, walking sleeping,
This question makes my radar go a’beeping,
Just what is my life worth,
On this blue life-more earth?
Am I really a cog in this machinery called living,
Or just a clog, that should get the hint and start leaving?
If after all I play no part
Ţo paint the work of art
No brush strokes to the canvas do I add,
Then its really sad,
That I can’t even sing a ballad
Or strike a C minor
Note, or education C-
To prove I was taught.
Just what is the purpose of my life?
Severing is the work of à knife
Of my wrist
To complete cease and desist.
So before I truncate,
Please elaborate
Why my heart still pumps?
Though on this Highway I’m neither a pothole nor a speed bump,
A rumble strip
Nor a rise nor a dip.
I try to extrapolate
Using scatter points, a line of best fit,
But I realise I am just a misfit
A damn insignificant trickle
In this super valley that life stream flows,
So you see I’m fickle..
All I await is the scythe and sickle,
Hence my ears do not tickle,
That’s the position
Of my situation
I’m just a carication
Of Divine boredom
No difference from a glowworm
Though a correction
To that attestation
A glowworm gives forth light
So I have no right
To insult its existence
Using it as my defence..
(To be continued)

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Random Thoughts of a Nobody

Lying on my bed being philosophical,
Thinking of thoughts that are astronomical,
Relating to how I’m microscopic,
How human nature is all myopic,
In the end-oscopic actions being catastrophic and cataclysmic,
Weighing down heavily on my grey matter,
Amongst other thoughts, making me the Mad Hatter,
The asylum nutter, the one who’s brain is all Jell-o and butter,
Because even as I think up all the solutions,
They all morph into other problematic protrusions,
Like the mythical Hydra, who’s head just can’t be truncated
For in the lost’ place two are replicated.
So this makes me wonder, is it alright to give a peasant power or a poor man a country estate?
If you get my allusion, then you’ll likely understand the delusion,
Of human illusion,
Being the highest hierarchy in the so called chain of life
That only ends up in hate and strife…..

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Mind Freefall

Dreams are shattered, hope is lost
E’r one is dull, though I’m the host
Ambience is low, morale is down
Theme is gloom, so don funeral gown
Heat is absent, hence chill to frost

Inside is rot
Smiling is by rote

Attention is craved, despair is received
Life loses lustre, though twas alabaster
Lessons learned, experiences lived
Utopia dissolved, reality precipitates
Reasons denied, excuses abundant
Internal turmoil, my mind agitates
No one cares, I become flippant
Gone with the wind, existence denied.

Set Me Free – Subconscious Manifestations

“Please dad lighten your mind,
In your heart pease do find
The time to carry me around
I’ll promise not to make a sound…”
Yes, this is another subconscious manifestation of my gigai while still trapped on this planet.. I experienced this dream on Monday but for some purpose I couldn’t come to post though I wanted to post it ASAP.. All I could do was to record it in my Dream Journal.. This time though my sub-manifest was oh so vivid like it was watching a 3D movie at your cinema theatre.. So lifelike was it that when I got back to this nightmare called life on earth I could hear the closing soundtracks strumming in my brain..
I can’t promise you the same experience I felt but I’ll do my best as the Deity of the Universe of Infinite to replicate the mood and tone of the manifest with my limited resources.. If you have the following files handy play it while reading the post; maybe later on I will modify the post to include the sounds..
Opening OST; Above and Beyond: Set Me Free
In-Dream OST;
1. On the Precipice of Defeat by Sagisu Shirou
2. Driving to Heaven by Tiesto
3. La Distancia Para un Duelo by Sagisu Shirou
Closing OST; Saika and Loneliness (Naruto OST)

For those who play Subway Surfers this month of July is set in Rio.. The sub-manifest takes place in a setting between a jungle and the Rio scene though don’t include the trains nor coins nor jetpacks..
I was in the jungle on a cable car having two friends along- a guy and a monkey or was it a marsupalami? As usual with my dreams I either am being chased or doing the chasing. This time we were chasing after somebody/something when I made a telepathic connection with the deity of the land. (Yes deity to deity connection; very clear connection and unlimited talk plan). The god was an evil being and knowing too well his or her nature I rejected her advances. I say her because the god started pursuing me so I hastily broke off the connection but I knew we would be relentlessly pursued. (You humans have a saying that goes Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned). True enough a flow of lava shot from the ground trying to drown us.
* “Hadou # 88 Danku,” I shouted and the split void protected the rear of the cable car. The lava’s inertia of motion pushed the cable car farther up the mountain. I repeatedly had to shout the Hadou #88 to regenerate the force field.
Seeing we weren’t roasted, the demon honoured us with her presence and attacked us. Knowing too well its power, an incantationless Hadou #88 wouldn’t save us so I had to chant it quickly..
**”Guardian Angel, Superior Protector, bring unto me the fruits that thine garden doth bare; as I render unto you. Ensure that the attempts of the malicious Demons prove fruitless! Annihilate their offences! Vanquish their hopes! Split the Void! Hadou #88 Danku!”
A five layered void shielded us from the demon’s attack by due to the force of both the attack and the defence the cable car snapped and we fell headlong into the river below. I lost contact with my friends and blacked out..
I came to in the city; where I had taken an item and was being attacked by sword-bearing people. Instantly my Hadou #88 came in handy protecting me until the point where I came in contact with a close combat nail-cutter thrower. (yes a nail cutter thrower; even I was shocked I was expecting a shuriken or kunai)
I knew it was dangerous so when he threw the first one I caught it. It must have been his favourite piece because he bombarded me with a hail of nail cutters. Being overwhelmed, I fled running down St. Michael’s street to East Church Road with the thrower still attacking and me all the time chanting Hadou #88.. The Split Void littered the road as I attempted to slow him down.
Without knowing how and why I started flying over the main road. However, unlike in my other dreams where I fly, I wasn’t acrophobic anymore. I actually enjoyed looking down from my height. I headed to a nearby mall and looked at it then headed to a famous hotel in the neighbourhood and a few other places before I decided to land. However my body wasn’t in sync with my mind and so I landed in a place akin to Safari Park..
While flying a realization dawned on me; it was like I knew I was dying slowly for I had no more fear nor regret. My heart and mind were as calm as the deep blue sea..
I almost landed in the pool but stopped in time. Then I saw my body; and was I shocked!. I was dressed in a maroon blazer and a pleated checked skirt. Apparently I was a girl***.
A man stood over my body and I felt a familiar tug at the bottom of my heart. If I’m not mistaken it was my father. A male doctor had my body in his hands. I was in a vegetative state; my tongue swollen and hanging out of my mouth..
“It’s too late sir,” I heard the doctor say. “She used this way to escape and be free. This was her means to get wings and fly.”
My dad was quiet but I could tell he was at loss and quite sad. I found myself entering my body again and struggled to speak..
“She wants to speak but all she can say is mba.”
I realised it was futile to speak soi established a telepathic channel with dad and said:
“I know you haven’t been there for me but I don’t blame you. My choice led to this final result please don’t blame yourself..
Please dad lighten your mind,
In your heart pease do find
The time to carry me around
I’ll promise not to make a sound…”
With that said I left my body and left my crying ‘mba’ as I too shed tears of what would have been but never was…….
With that I woke up. Had I been asleep for a few more seconds, I would have woken up to a wet pillow..

PS: Originally, this was supposed to be the last post by this Deity of the Universe of Infinite; Had I posted this post on Monday the 13th. No, my SPIRIT beam still been repaired but my daughter found a way to transport me back to my Universe. For now though let me stick around some,more on this planet for a little while longer; it can be a day, a month, a year. Until next time these are the Subconscious Manifestations of Resident of Phantasmagoria and Citizen of Dream Land; Upper 1st Tier Diamond Stand

*PS the correct numerical nomenclate is Bakudo #81 but since in the dream I kept saying Hadou #88, I’ll stick to it.. Btw Hadou # 88 is Hiryuu Gekizoku Shinten Raiho.. Go read or watch Bleach and you’ll know..
**Yes I know I should really stop watching Bleach. Just two more episodes left then I’ll be done..
***And for the record I don’t cross-dress nor do I secretly wish to be a girl.. This Deity is sexless neuter being having neither gender nor sex.

Death of a Deity

It is really hard to kill a Deity.. If you go down the time stream you’ll see very few gods if any have ever been killed.. Usually they are just stripped of their powers; banished and exiled from their abodes; imprisoned in faraway places where there influence can not be felt..

Think I am lying? Read Greek mythology and see the fate of the Titans Cronos and Rhea; or if you prefer more modern examples check out how Aizen Sousuke couldn’t be killed but was rather placed in solitary confinement.

So what does this have to do with the death of a Deity if it is hard to kill one? Well, honestly I have no idea where to begin, but I do know where to end.

Life and Death are a pair of nexus that can’t be undone at least for now. Where light falls, darkness has to follow close behind; therefore  where life lands, death is closely following in her footsteps. Hypothetically, what is created can be destroyed; that is the bare and harsh truth.

For the agnostics and the Theists, you are all thimking, if a deity dies, doesn’t all the deity’s creation stand a chnace of also being destroyed? for the atheists at least that conundrum does not really bother you.

Thoughts on Life

Life is but like a journey
But not through the land of milk and honey
Rather through land of snow and frost
Liken to the permafrost tundra
Where one can easily get lost.
Like the immortal hydra
Troubles are never ending,
Solve this one two pop up.
Heal this one and another break up…..
So life is but likened to a journey…
A journey must end so what’s life’s end?.
Is it the Final Destination,
That you see round the bend?
Then what’s the purpose of life if it is just to die?
Or has my whole life been a lie?
Either way
Its not for me to say
But I will
For its still
The elephant in the room
That gives the foreboding doom
Where life is, dear must follow
Well now you know..

Rants & Raves of a Dissented Being

Day by day my usefulness drops.. I am slowly being pushed to the dogs, being thrown out to the rain and discarded unceremoniously like a used teabag.. When will this torture end? When will it stop?. I have accepted the fact that I will never love someone neither will I ever be loved. I have also accepted that my fate in life is to be a loner, I will never have that special friend.. But really?. Take away my pseudo purpose of life? Is that fair?. Isn’t that hitting below the belt?. Kicking a man on the ground.. Am I really that much of a burden to everyone that I’d rather be dumped like a hot potato?. Why take away the only pride I have left of being called a human?.

Why not then have created me to be an animal? Animals have no senses except physical senses, so why not one?

I am not ungrateful for giving me this chance but it is a complete waste. I ask all the deities of this universe, am I really that unworthy? Then why did you create me in the first place? Wouldn’t it have been better to just let me remain in that state of nonexistence?. Or if I am a mistake isn’t it best that then action be taken to immediately correct it by wiping me off the universe? Or do the deities have a sense of pleasure from watching me suffer? Why? Or will taking me away show that you have finally acknowledged my presence?.

If that’s the case then let me unburden you with that by slowly killing myself in all aspects before taking the final step and doing it physically. At least by then two birds will have been killed with one stone: I will have been wiped off the universe and two, your hands will be free of bloodshed. Should I turn to atheism? No because I know that YOU exist. My other option is being agnostic. However, I know you are usually involved in human life. Except mine so agnostic won’t cut it. So I’ll make my own version of being agnostic, self-agnosticism.. That will cover my school of thought..

Am I seeking attention from others? Far from it. I hate being in the limelight, preferring to work from the shadows where no one can see. I hate when people call me good and nice because I know I am not. Introvercy is my nature so the further away I am from people the better I function. But unfortunately I was created a human and not a hermit crab so I do need company once in a while. Why? Why all this conflicting ideologies in me? I hate everything about my life… As I of late say at times death does seem sweeter than life….

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