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Posts tagged ‘eating’

Of Being a Customer

customer

 

This is a disturbed Deity trapped in a gigai on this blue green planet. I have been MIA as you earthlings wold put it for a while- for inexplicable reasons only known to me. I did manage to go back to my home universe albeit for a short time. I am glad that my daughter has been running things well in my absence. Why did I come back, you ask? Well this deity bent a few TSM rules- for the greenhorns that’s Time Space and Matter. Being a deity I am not allowed to break rules.

Anyway, that is the little news I brought from home for those who are cat curious about my UI. So what will I rant about today? American elections? Negative- deities and politics don’t mix. TICAD? Nope, I haven’t installed a consulate in Japan and versa vice or however you humans say it. Spate of earthquakes in East African region? Ahem I might have been slightly responsible for that. Emphasis on MIGHT. Rio Olympics? DILLIC?? Nope it is about a human phrase:

 

THE CUSTOMER IS KING

Yes I know that it is the customer who brings in the well needed money to run the ship. However unlike kings, not all the customers have infinite pockets apart from yours truly. Now what is my pet peeve this time? I heartily disagree with that statement- stick with me and don’t leave the page yet because if you do, the following makes you the quintessential paradigm.

Threat worked? Perfecto! Ever gone to an eating establishment more so the starred ones and notice how people gormandize, satiate, devour and engorge? I wouldn’t blame you if you thought that you,d been dropped off at the zoo during lunch hour. There are rodents who nibble, horses that pig down their food, pigs that horse down their food, mosquitoes and butterflies that suck using their proboscis, the pecking woodpecker, the picky feline, the all-nivorous bear that eats all and sundry, the panda that eats and then sleeps on the spot….. The list is as endless as the Insecta order.

So yes we all have that inner beast in us whether Venetian or Martian. However try to control that inner demo- ahem beast. Some ‘kings’ will eat like they are being chased by dragons, spilling food left right and centre. others leave 90% of the food on the plate as if they are damsels in distress, et al. Trust me, no one wants to eat your touched food especially not the FDA agents- both the literal and alternative agents. My advise eat like a king- a courteous dignified stately KING.

My second peeve is Smokers.

I place smokers in the same category as murderers, thieves and terrorists oh and doctors too. Yes, I have said it, now go swallow a blade and hang. You all know that smoking affects those near the smoker. Passive smoking is just as if not more dangerous than direct smoking. If you want to blacken your lungs I have no qualms with that but do it on a far way place, preferably Pluto and beyond. Before I forget, you’ll never see a terrorist walk up to you and casually ask, “Hey mate, might you be having an IED or a few hand grenades on you?” My point? Carry your own tools of trade for your vices. Meaning if you smoke carry your own lighter.

With those few sentences I am off to resume my hibernation until that friggin idiotic polar bear in the Equatorial region shall shut their deep freezer.

Written by your ever loving, Man of the People, Bender yet Follower of Rules & DUI, sleep writing deity

Deity of the Universe of Infinite

Of Annoying Travel Habits

Okay so this is another rant and rave of no one else but your favourite deity of the universe of infinite..

I’m still stuck on this crabby planet as my SPIRIT beam is still sulking; and my daughter,is still trying to open a safe portal for me to use..

Hence while around I have to put up with human peculiarities and eccentricities.. Now due to the limitations of my gigai I don’t have access to my second favourite mode of personal transport. My first is teleportation; what did you expect? Deities love teleporting considering it is one of the few black areas in human scientific progression.. My second is slipstream.. I actually made this up for those days when I am too lazy to teleport..

What is slipstream?. Well slipstreaming is on earth the concept where you travel directly behind something ahead of you to reduce air friction, right?. Well Slipstream is the same except this time I manipulate gravity. Gravity in this case instead of pulling and holding me down it goes ahead of me and instead pulls me forward.. All it requires is telepathic connection.. Its like a burst of speed or a nitrous boost.. I think you can loosely compare it to Body Flicker Technique or Shunpo (flash step) though Slipstream is using gravity to thy advantage..

So anyway back to my issue as I can’t use Slipstream I have to be content with PTS- public transport systems.. Now where I am currently there are this 14-seater and 33-seater minivans that ferry people from point A to Z- or something like that..

Well I boarded one and sat at the window seat per se.. Now my gigai is relatively small so I don’t take much space, however, some people take that as an excuse to encroach on me personal space (see previous post).. So this humungous Cyclops decides to set his corpse next to me. He eats up his share of the seat and takes up half of mine. Then he opens his legs wide. I can’t take it so I put up resistance and open the window wide open. Usually I open the window to tick off people.. I noticed that you humans love shutting the windows when the vehicle is moving. Well I leave the window open and usually when someone asks me to shut the window, I smile at them and innocently say the window is stuck. The result is usually they move to another seat. Then there are those hot headed imbeciles who mannerlessly shut the window without asking me. Well I mannerlessly open it again and glare at the perpetrator. Again I achieve the same result. Next time you sit next to me and notice I open the window just know you aren’t welcome.

Mr. Cyclops noticed my resistance and he tried to behave. Fortunately he alighted later on. Unfortunately I had another issue in the same vehicle. Have you ever noticed how, smelly socks and chips travel faster than sound in an enclosed area?. Well someone and I assume a Venetian was eating chips and the smell engulfed the vehicle; that was another reason I opened the window. Now I have no problem with eating food but please be conscious of others. Maybe some are allergic to your food, or maybe you are rubbing salt to someone’s wounds by eating in a vehicle and yet the person is fasting either willingly or unwillingly.

If you must really eat in a public vehicle, there are snacks for that matter. By snacks I mean sweets, chewing gum, chocolates, crisps, biscuits and cookies et al. No I will not mention cakes.

Now that brings me to another weird habit. Why would a grown person after chewing gum, place it under the seat of the vehicle?. Or inside the seat cover? Then also those of you (me excluded) who happen to find those gums in those hard to reach areas, just what were you doing there in the first place?. Along that line, there was a time it was mandatory for PTS to have wastebaskets in them. I wonder why?. I have issues with someone who after unwrapping their goods decides to dump the wrapper in the vehicle. Mys bag has a compartment for my trash. I hate littering I’d rather carry it in my bag then drop it off at the nearest trash site.

Another pet peeve, you newspaper readers, text readers and basically jobless passengers. Now I am not the type to read newspapers in a PTS because one I never buy them, I read them at work. However, I once sat next to a pretty Venetian who was reading a paper, and no I wasn’t reading along with her. I fund it rude to read someone else’s paper.. However, the Venetian had the paper spread open covering my left leg and to make matters worse I saw her sneaking glances at me to see whether I was reading it too.. Why do that?. I mean just open the paper and then fold it and read in peace. That’s why I love reading novels in PTS.

Next, are basically your secret phone reviewers. I mean what else can I call someone who reads your texts or watches whatever you’re doing on your OWN phone?. Even as I am typing this I happen to have quite an audience of a Venetian.. I understand that travelling in a vehicle is really boring at times, but if you have nothing to do please don’t do it next to me. I love my privacy and seeing you constantly checking my phone surreptitiously is tantamount to stalking and privacy invasion. Next time carry a book or something to keep your idle mind occupied. Or like I do, carry your earphones and plug them in to your handset and listen to either your playlist or the radio.

Speaking of that, there are some certain people who think that we all want to listen to their music, so they’ll honour us by playing their music on speaker.. I mean come on if I wanted loud music I’d definitely not board a quiet peaceful bus.

Along that line, I know that some of us are pretty important people, importing cars, or having contacts with important and powerful people in society. I mean, hey I am Deity of the Universe of Infinite too so I understand your undying and life-threatening need to broadcast to every Tom Dick and Harriette about your life. But please try to control those impulsive urges. Some of us are really not interested in listening to your ‘Interesting’ life in buses. If you really must, then start a reality show like the Kardashians..
Some time back I happened to sit at the back right of a 14-seater PTS vehicle. A lady dressed in an office suit next to me and a young man sat at the back left. When the lady alighted I happened to be looking out and I saw the young man pull it his phone and discreetly lower it to the ladies hemline, camera side up. Yes he was taking a panty-shot of the lady. I just looked straight ahead asking myself whether I was taking part in an Ecchi manga. The guy was older than me and yet doing such high school antics. The lady never noticed, fortunately for him. However you Venetians need to be on the lookout for ecchi people out there..
Preachers. Yes you so called preachers. I have nothing wrong with you propagating your religious views but please not in the PTS and definitely not in the morning. Some of us are still sleepy. And funny enough why is it only Christian preachers on board?. I’m yet to see a Muslim preacher in a bus or even better a Hindu, Sikh, Shinto, Tao or Traditional African preachers doing their share too.. If that’s it I think I, being a deity should also start a preaching campaign in PTS though I really don’t know what my followers will be worshipping. ‘Cause I am just a humble deity, not seeking recognition anywhere.

Back to the preachers, do they all assume that all passengers on board are of one religion, denomination or even believe in the existence of a heavenly beings?. To prevent poisoning of my mind, I started walking with earphones all over. In fact once or twice I irked some preachers by looking directly in their eyes and putting on my earphones. One of them even commented saying, “some of you are now putting on their earphones but God’s….” I managed to press play. I don’t mean to be rude but I am a jealous deity. I definitely am not going to listen to the sermons from another god. There is a reason why I am “Deity of the Universe of Infinite”.

The worst habit of all are the conversationistas.. And there are two types.

Type Alpha: These type are loudmouthed individuals who talk to everyone from their seat. Meaning they shout and have loud banter with everyone. These type are very dangerous because they get everyone talking about whatever topic they bring up. Be it ball, politics, or the latest social issue they know it all. Typically they are extroverts. Good thing is I usually drown them out of my hearing with my ever handy earphones.

Type Beta: These type are the most dangerous to me. Yes they are your seat mates in the PTS who strike a conversation with you. My mama taught me never to talk to strangers. My introversion teaches me mot to talk to anyone unless really needed.. So when you nonchalantly start talking to me I get bored.. Hello! The earphones are usually conversation stoppers. But on the rare occasion that you manage to chat me up before this deity plugs in then know that I’m just too kind to turn you off..
Well until next time ciao..

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