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Posts tagged ‘noisy’

Of Annoying Travel Habits

Okay so this is another rant and rave of no one else but your favourite deity of the universe of infinite..

I’m still stuck on this crabby planet as my SPIRIT beam is still sulking; and my daughter,is still trying to open a safe portal for me to use..

Hence while around I have to put up with human peculiarities and eccentricities.. Now due to the limitations of my gigai I don’t have access to my second favourite mode of personal transport. My first is teleportation; what did you expect? Deities love teleporting considering it is one of the few black areas in human scientific progression.. My second is slipstream.. I actually made this up for those days when I am too lazy to teleport..

What is slipstream?. Well slipstreaming is on earth the concept where you travel directly behind something ahead of you to reduce air friction, right?. Well Slipstream is the same except this time I manipulate gravity. Gravity in this case instead of pulling and holding me down it goes ahead of me and instead pulls me forward.. All it requires is telepathic connection.. Its like a burst of speed or a nitrous boost.. I think you can loosely compare it to Body Flicker Technique or Shunpo (flash step) though Slipstream is using gravity to thy advantage..

So anyway back to my issue as I can’t use Slipstream I have to be content with PTS- public transport systems.. Now where I am currently there are this 14-seater and 33-seater minivans that ferry people from point A to Z- or something like that..

Well I boarded one and sat at the window seat per se.. Now my gigai is relatively small so I don’t take much space, however, some people take that as an excuse to encroach on me personal space (see previous post).. So this humungous Cyclops decides to set his corpse next to me. He eats up his share of the seat and takes up half of mine. Then he opens his legs wide. I can’t take it so I put up resistance and open the window wide open. Usually I open the window to tick off people.. I noticed that you humans love shutting the windows when the vehicle is moving. Well I leave the window open and usually when someone asks me to shut the window, I smile at them and innocently say the window is stuck. The result is usually they move to another seat. Then there are those hot headed imbeciles who mannerlessly shut the window without asking me. Well I mannerlessly open it again and glare at the perpetrator. Again I achieve the same result. Next time you sit next to me and notice I open the window just know you aren’t welcome.

Mr. Cyclops noticed my resistance and he tried to behave. Fortunately he alighted later on. Unfortunately I had another issue in the same vehicle. Have you ever noticed how, smelly socks and chips travel faster than sound in an enclosed area?. Well someone and I assume a Venetian was eating chips and the smell engulfed the vehicle; that was another reason I opened the window. Now I have no problem with eating food but please be conscious of others. Maybe some are allergic to your food, or maybe you are rubbing salt to someone’s wounds by eating in a vehicle and yet the person is fasting either willingly or unwillingly.

If you must really eat in a public vehicle, there are snacks for that matter. By snacks I mean sweets, chewing gum, chocolates, crisps, biscuits and cookies et al. No I will not mention cakes.

Now that brings me to another weird habit. Why would a grown person after chewing gum, place it under the seat of the vehicle?. Or inside the seat cover? Then also those of you (me excluded) who happen to find those gums in those hard to reach areas, just what were you doing there in the first place?. Along that line, there was a time it was mandatory for PTS to have wastebaskets in them. I wonder why?. I have issues with someone who after unwrapping their goods decides to dump the wrapper in the vehicle. Mys bag has a compartment for my trash. I hate littering I’d rather carry it in my bag then drop it off at the nearest trash site.

Another pet peeve, you newspaper readers, text readers and basically jobless passengers. Now I am not the type to read newspapers in a PTS because one I never buy them, I read them at work. However, I once sat next to a pretty Venetian who was reading a paper, and no I wasn’t reading along with her. I fund it rude to read someone else’s paper.. However, the Venetian had the paper spread open covering my left leg and to make matters worse I saw her sneaking glances at me to see whether I was reading it too.. Why do that?. I mean just open the paper and then fold it and read in peace. That’s why I love reading novels in PTS.

Next, are basically your secret phone reviewers. I mean what else can I call someone who reads your texts or watches whatever you’re doing on your OWN phone?. Even as I am typing this I happen to have quite an audience of a Venetian.. I understand that travelling in a vehicle is really boring at times, but if you have nothing to do please don’t do it next to me. I love my privacy and seeing you constantly checking my phone surreptitiously is tantamount to stalking and privacy invasion. Next time carry a book or something to keep your idle mind occupied. Or like I do, carry your earphones and plug them in to your handset and listen to either your playlist or the radio.

Speaking of that, there are some certain people who think that we all want to listen to their music, so they’ll honour us by playing their music on speaker.. I mean come on if I wanted loud music I’d definitely not board a quiet peaceful bus.

Along that line, I know that some of us are pretty important people, importing cars, or having contacts with important and powerful people in society. I mean, hey I am Deity of the Universe of Infinite too so I understand your undying and life-threatening need to broadcast to every Tom Dick and Harriette about your life. But please try to control those impulsive urges. Some of us are really not interested in listening to your ‘Interesting’ life in buses. If you really must, then start a reality show like the Kardashians..
Some time back I happened to sit at the back right of a 14-seater PTS vehicle. A lady dressed in an office suit next to me and a young man sat at the back left. When the lady alighted I happened to be looking out and I saw the young man pull it his phone and discreetly lower it to the ladies hemline, camera side up. Yes he was taking a panty-shot of the lady. I just looked straight ahead asking myself whether I was taking part in an Ecchi manga. The guy was older than me and yet doing such high school antics. The lady never noticed, fortunately for him. However you Venetians need to be on the lookout for ecchi people out there..
Preachers. Yes you so called preachers. I have nothing wrong with you propagating your religious views but please not in the PTS and definitely not in the morning. Some of us are still sleepy. And funny enough why is it only Christian preachers on board?. I’m yet to see a Muslim preacher in a bus or even better a Hindu, Sikh, Shinto, Tao or Traditional African preachers doing their share too.. If that’s it I think I, being a deity should also start a preaching campaign in PTS though I really don’t know what my followers will be worshipping. ‘Cause I am just a humble deity, not seeking recognition anywhere.

Back to the preachers, do they all assume that all passengers on board are of one religion, denomination or even believe in the existence of a heavenly beings?. To prevent poisoning of my mind, I started walking with earphones all over. In fact once or twice I irked some preachers by looking directly in their eyes and putting on my earphones. One of them even commented saying, “some of you are now putting on their earphones but God’s….” I managed to press play. I don’t mean to be rude but I am a jealous deity. I definitely am not going to listen to the sermons from another god. There is a reason why I am “Deity of the Universe of Infinite”.

The worst habit of all are the conversationistas.. And there are two types.

Type Alpha: These type are loudmouthed individuals who talk to everyone from their seat. Meaning they shout and have loud banter with everyone. These type are very dangerous because they get everyone talking about whatever topic they bring up. Be it ball, politics, or the latest social issue they know it all. Typically they are extroverts. Good thing is I usually drown them out of my hearing with my ever handy earphones.

Type Beta: These type are the most dangerous to me. Yes they are your seat mates in the PTS who strike a conversation with you. My mama taught me never to talk to strangers. My introversion teaches me mot to talk to anyone unless really needed.. So when you nonchalantly start talking to me I get bored.. Hello! The earphones are usually conversation stoppers. But on the rare occasion that you manage to chat me up before this deity plugs in then know that I’m just too kind to turn you off..
Well until next time ciao..

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